Moms, do you ever feel like you have lost who you are? That you are JUST a mom, that the old you is gone forever?
I recently wrote a post for fun & FAITH on how to help our teens avoid an identity crisis down the road. You can read it here. I wrote that as parents we need to help our teens find who they are, so we can help them avoid an identity crisis.
I have been asking around to friends and family what I should blog about, and one of the questions from a young mom with 2 kids was for me to write on helping moms find their identity now that they are a mom. Apparently this isn’t just a teen issue.
Are sweats our future, is eating Kraft Dinner straight from the pot, really who we are? What happened to the sexy heels, and the live life to the fullest attitude? Will we ever feel like ourselves again?
I have squirmed through that identity crisis as a mom many times, and I know I am not a lone. It can be a minor thought in a mom’s heart, or a debilitating depressing feat for others. I think this question arises during each transition in life and we are all affected by it’s voice differently.
From child to teen, from teen to young adult, to young adult to wife and mother, from mother to career, from career to retirement. These natural transitions provoke self analysis, because our normal isn’t normal anymore, and what we put our identity in, is no more.
What can we do, as grown women, and perhaps men reading this, to sail through the transitions without a crisis or a feeling of being lost?
To know who we are is to BE who we are
Life is ever changing, and it would be quite ridiculous if we never changed who we are with it. If we didn’t, then I would still be going on family outings faking a German accent trying to get attention from cute boys manning the ferris wheel. We change, life changes us, and it is never ending. You won’t be the same as you were 2 weeks ago, 2 years ago and 20 years ago. So trying to search for WHO WE ARE, is pointless, because we are trying to chase an ever changing thing. You can’t catch up to it, pin it down and say, STAY & TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!
To find out who we are is to just BE who we are. The people you admire as unique and confident, aren’t people who were able to answer the Who Am I question. They are people who had the courage to let go of fear of man and just BE who they are. Someone comfortable and proud in their own skin is someone who accepts their weaknesses and strengths and embraces it and moves on, allowing life to change them as they go.
Our occupation or lack thereof does not define us.
I mentioned in my latest post for fun & FAITH, that we don’t tell our teens to find who they are by finding a career, but rather, our careers are a tool to help use the gifts that God has given us. For example, don’t define yourself as a nurse, or a doctor, don’t make that your identity, make “being called to bring hope and healing to hurting sick people” your identity. THAT doesn’t end at 5 o’Clock, that carries with you into eternity.
You’re not a TEACHER, you are someone “who shares with people wisdom and ideas to help them be the best they can be” That doesn’t shut off over the summer months.
You are NOT a MOTHER, you are someone who nurtures, loves and cares for the next generation, that doesn’t only apply to your own offspring.
So, you were a nurse, or a doctor or a teacher, and now you are JUST a mom? YOU HOLD YOUR TOUNGE YOUNG LADY!
You are not just a mom, you are now a mother who brings hope and healing to your family and those around you, because that is who you are – wherever you are – in every stage of life.
If we can grasp this, then we have just laid claim into who we really are.
So take career out of it!
Our aging body and looks do not define us.
Oh Lord, let this be true! Because if my statement isn’t, we are all doomed! But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but theLord looks at the heart.’ 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV)
David was a scrawny sheep boy,and he was given the throne! His handsome – well groomed – better smelling brothers were rejected by God.
You may be a dishevelled, uncool and unshowered Mom, but God has given you a great assignment. You are mothering the next generation and it’s a short assignment.
A woman’s inner self defines how she dresses not the other way around.
We, as young women judged harshly, admit it. Now repent.
We laughed at the the frumpy mothers saying, “they’ve let themselves go.” Now we see ourself and so we are judging ourself the same way we judged them.
Those moms were tired, overwhelmed and dressed for battle. Yes we can go overboard to the point of not caring anymore, and that is neither healthy for ourselves or our marriages. You are still a woman, and you should still want to impress your hubby and feel confident – but our wardrobe, nails and hair do not define us. Nor are we in the stage of trying to impress other people or make people feel jealous, that’s a teenager thing, it’s time to mature and evolve.
God Knows Who You Are, So Ask Him
We are made in His image, created for His purposes. That’s who we are. Drawing closer to God, will not only help us to know Him better but it will open up our hearts to know what God thinks of us, and how he sees us. This is the biggest key to knowing who we are.
So never let me hear you call yourself JUST A MOM.
Embrace who you are.
Let go of superficial gains
Let go of your career as your identity point
and allow God to define you!