Some days, I stare at the line up of empty plates, seven to be exact and laugh. I lay them out across our kitchen island and
slop plate our dinners. The cooking and preparing and food bill is always worth the family time around the table, that’s if no one is fighting or complaining about my cooking! I look at these plates and think wow, I have no sympathy for people with one child and second, this house is full. Full of noise, responsibility, hugs, tears, tantrums, laughter, movies, dance offs, arguments, chores, prayer, love and laundry, lots and lots of laundry. This is life, my life, it’s full and good.
In the midst of plating for seven people everyday, there’s this thing in me that won’t stop nagging. It wants a portion of me, it wants my attention – it’s my calling. As any mother and father knows, these heart things get buried under the bills, the carpooling and buried under life. We try to squeeze it in between house work and family time but often it is stored away for not such a time as this.
Last year, I flew to Ontario with 3 copies of my manuscript Fearless in 21 Days. This book originally began as a series on my blog. I had written this late at night, every night after plating, homework, bedtimes and life. It was important work. It was just a baby bug of a dream at the time and but when I saw the online response to this series I began to envision something bigger. I knew before this trip to the writers conference in Ontario, that any agent considering it would politely slide it back across the table and ask me for a professional to endorse it. I knew this because I had brought my manuscript the year before and was told that there was interest but I should get an endorsement since this touched on the mental health field. One agent, (not mine now) also told me that they had a hard time believing that a mom of five children from a small town in Southern Alberta could become a well known speaker and author. I turned their offer down. I wanted someone to believe in me that I could make room for this in my life. It was important work.
For six months (before this next trip to Ontario to the writers conference) I knew I had to kidnap a psychologist, force them to read my manuscript and demand a written and signed endorsement from them saying I wasn’t crazy. But I didn’t have the fearlessness to follow through with such a serious crime but nobody would read my manuscript! I spent a lot of grocery money to have it printed and mailed off to psychologists who were friends of friends – who had AGREED to read it but not one of them followed through. “I just need a yes” I prayed to God then I thought… God, maybe this is you telling me there’s not room in my life for this? Then I fasted and prayed.
Through a series of odd events I was handed a business card of a registered counselor who was about to retire, perhaps he would be happy to look at it. I met him for coffee in a busy cafe and tried my best to look like someone who could fit this into my life. He said yes but no promises on an endorsement. He walked out of the coffee shop with my unedited manuscript in hand.
“This is really, really good.” he said… “Infact, I used some of your advice with one of my clients last week” he praised. I got the endorsement within weeks of flying to Ontario to see if this could be something, anything.
After the conference, I laid on my bed every night that week, waiting for a response from an agent. The waiting was torture. I was afraid of rejection, another go around of no’s or worse no response at all. I was afraid that all this was for nothing. “I just need a yes” I prayed to God… then I thought, again… God, maybe this is you telling me, there’s not room in my life for this? So I fasted and prayed. I texted my husband and said, I just want you to pray for one thing for me this week, and nothing else ” just pray for a ‘yes’ ” I told him.
“God, I just need a yes.” I chanted over and over and over again all week. It was strange but I had no desire to pray for anything else. I knew that this was a moment of truth that God would either say yes, there is room for this in your life, or no, this is not for you.
I will never forget the day I sat crossed legged on my bed after work one day feeling discouraged. I closed my eyes and prayed, again. “God, I just need a ‘yes’, it’s your yes that matters it’s your yes that sets the course for my life” Then, no exaggeration, from across the room where my desk was, I heard a ‘ba ling’ as I received an email. I rushed to my computer and it was an email from my favorite agent and it read …
(a bunch of awesome stuff and then) …we are pleased to give an enthusiastic “yes” to your work
The agent even put ‘yes’ in quotations!! It was a God wink like no other and in that moment I knew – God this is you and you will make room for me and this calling.
Fast forward to several months ago when I signed my first book contract and hopped on the road to publishing Fearless in 21 days.
The voice of “how is a mom of five kids, in a small town going to handle this yes?’ came creeping in. Shame says “who do you think you are?” but God says “Who do you think I am?” I prayed and said to God, “I need you to make room for this in my busy life”
That night I had a dream. In my dream I had company over and I was giving them a tour of my home. They complemented me on my home and then asked me where I did all my writing. “In my room” I said. “It’s frustrating though because I really could use my own space to work because being in a house of seven is like trying to write a novel on a ferris wheel, just when you think you have a moment of peace someone wants to rock the chair!” I took this person around the home to show them the rest when I saw a door I hadn’t seen before “Hmm, what’s this door?” I asked. My guest looked at me oddly. I opened it up and in it was a giant office space. I leaped with joy! “I can work here, I can work here!”
I woke up and I knew this was a dream from God. I knew that he was telling me that HE would make room for this.
A few weeks later I went to help my hubby find something in our shed. It was a small shed we used for, well you know, our crap. I turned on the light in this already insulated, electrified and windowed palace and God winked at me. “I can work here, I can work here!” I shouted. Kevin looked at me and his wheels began to turn. “yes, we can make this happen” he agreed and in my true fashion, I waited, took my time pre planing and….. who am I kidding…. I had that sucker cleaned out and painted within 48 hours! And that, my fearless friends, is how God made space in my life and faith for a She Shed, a She Dream, a She can do this with five kids in a small town in Southern Alberta in her backyard. *wink
So, thanks for reading this 1206 word blog post that I have written in my She Shed with ZERO interuptions and I hope this inspires YOU to find your ‘yes’ and watch God make room for it!
Alright DRUM ROLL…… THE SHE SHED
MAKING ROOM FOR THE SHE SHED …
Soooo What do you think?!
Tell me below what the ‘yes’ you’re praying for and we’ll pray for you!