Recognizing and Healing Hidden Shame


Isaiah 50:7 For the Lord GOD will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.

Shame is such an ugly thing, and I believe it is one of the main strongholds satan puts upon us,  because when we carry shame, we go through life with a distorted perspective on God, ourselves and even others. 
We often relate shame to sexual sin, or having lived a very sinful life, but shame is more than that, and that is why many of us can never seem to live free from it, because we don’t realize it is lingering, even if the big mistakes in our lives were worked through and forgiven we can’t seem to live free from the shame of it. 
Shame can come on us as a result of rejection or abandonment, grief, abuse, bullying, lies and the list goes on and on, you do not have had to live a life knee high in sin to feel the effects of shame in your life. So this message is for all of us.
Shame can be so destructive in our own lives, but a person who carries a lot of shame can actually put that shame on others in a very destructive way. Shame can affect marriages, parent/child relationships, even our workplace and career. Shame is one of the most self destructive emotions we carry and when given free reign can accomplish Satan’s plan for you life. Making you broken down, hurting others and keeping you from your purpose in Christ.

Symptoms of Shame 

Lack of Eye Contact



Intense feelings of inadequacy




a disconnect from others (them and you)

always feeling exposed, like others will sniff out your weaknesses and reject you

feeling emotionally numb


People Pleasing

Chronic Guilt

Feeling like a failure

Feeling unimportant and unlovable

Feeling like a fake and a phoney all the time

Feeling defective

Self sabotaging behaviours

Fear of speaking you mind or being yourself

Blaming others for your problems

Bullying others

judgmental behaviour


over apologizing! 

Fear of getting too close to people

I’ll reject (leave) you, before you leave me


PHEW!!!! these are just the surface of the effects of shame in our lives.

It’s overwhelming isn’t it, but there is hope, there is always hope in these circumstances. When I was reading on shame a few days ago I was really hit hard with the idea that I still carried some symptoms of shame, and to be honest it overwhelmed me. “How am I going to fix this?” I asked. Haha, isn’t that the 1st part of my problem?

I came to one conclusion, it will have to be supernatural and I know one thing, God’s love for me will have a lot to do with it.

I am both overwhelmed and excited at pursuing God’s full healing and restoration in this, so that I walk less limped and I can help others too. 






2 thoughts on “Recognizing and Healing Hidden Shame”

  1. The Baby Mama says:

    You have to stop this – reading my mind and writing what I am thinking or feeling. 🙂 Another post that feels like I could’ve written this – word for word. My deepest shame is coming from a broken home. Out of all my friends, I am the only one to come from a divorced family. And that shame still haunts me. I don’t talk about my family to people I know – at work or socially. I’m embarrassed by it and by them. And another thing that shames me greatly is my body. When I was skinny, I didn’t wear shorts or a costume because I felt shame (not embarrassment or just being shy), but shame about who I was and what I looked like. Now that I am carrying extra weight, guess what – that shame is still there. And a little while ago, I too came to the conclusion that this is my life – I don’t have anything to be ashamed of. This is me – God’s beautiful little girl whom He so dearly loves. And its a process – it’s walking out the realization that we belong to God and there is nothing to be ashamed of. But, I can tell you, that I saw a huge difference in how I related to life’s circumstances and how other’s did. It was only after I was married and could compare my family with hubby’s that I realized it was shame that I was battling with. Thank you once again for an amazing article.

    1. virtuouswomanx says:

      Thanks for sharing your heart. I pray your shame supernaturally lifts off of you in Jesus Name, and you can grab a glimpse of how precious you are, and how perfected you are. I too come from a divorced family and there is something about divorce that makes the child of it, feel like they were to blame in some way and they feel like 1/2 a person, and shame comes in. We know as adults that marriages are hard work, and that circumstances just happen and logically we know it’s not our fault, but as a children we don’t understand that and we carry the shame of it. I totally get that!

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