I am so glad that you have taken the time to get to know me a little bit more. On the outside looking in, I am a blogger, speaker, and author of Fearless in 21 Days. I am one blessed wife, and a mom to 5 amazing kids. I am a Christian who believes that God loves us with a fierce love and sent His one and only son so we could have eternal life.
I sound so virtuous don’t I? Well, there’s a little bit more….
16 years ago, my life was a disaster. I was a single mom of 2 small children, living in poverty, abandoned, and really afraid. However, this was the moment in my life that I began trusting God for my basic needs, and He began turning my life around. Soon God opened wide a door for me to go to University. 5 Years later, I graduated with honors, met and married my wonderful husband, bought my first home, became a ministry leader and a writer, and had 3 more children! I really began to see that God’s promises were true. His goodness blew me away, and my passion for Him exploded!
I knew that God was putting the pieces back together in my life. One day at a church conference, a woman I highly respected, prayed over me and told me that she felt God was going to entrust me with a deliverance ministry in the area of mental illness, anxiety, depression and OCD. It was an interesting word, not a direction I ever thought myself going in. I was a mommy blogger and rarely struggled with depression… or so I thought.
I sound really virtuous now, don’t I? Well, there’s a little bit more…
A few years after that prayer, just when life was beginning to catch up with the Jones’ – I got tired, really tired. That tiredness turned into burnout, and that burnout turned into depression, and then one day, after a season of trials… I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t drive my kids to school, or cook dinner, or shower, because I was mentally ill.
I began having panic attacks that turned into a full-blown panic disorder. Then I developed a life changing anxiety disorder, OCD, and deep depression. I went from “how does she do it all” to stuttering, faint spells, heart palpitations, irrational fears, and despairing and suicidal thoughts. I was thrust into a season of mental, spiritual, emotional and physical torment. I battled for my life. My mind raced 24 hrs a day… What if I went crazy? What if I lost it all? I was terrified. I had never been here before. Where was God in all this? Was this my future?
In that season I had two choices, Trust God or Die, and I was faced with the possibility that this could be me, forever, so I started looking up ways to “cope” with it, my identity became tangled in my mental illness, and I was accepting my fate. I don’t remember a specific moment, but that internal stubbornness in me rose up. That stubbornness that had gotten me through many hard times. I rose up in me and said, “No way!” and I sought God for answers, and I sought Him until I found Him, and when I found Him, He healed me.
One final moment I will never forget…
I was at a bible study, and having a very unstable day. During worship, I was overcome with grief at my condition and overwhelmed by the lie that I could be like this forever. I began begging God to set me free ( like I had a million times before) but this was a deep soul cry. Then in that moment God spoke to my heart and He said…. “Sarah, do you see? Do you see how my people suffer?” I began to grieve and grieve at the idea that people were suffering with mental and emotional pain, like I was. I whispered back “Yes, God, I see” and I knew in that moment that God was lifting the final chains of mental torment off of me, so I could show others the way to freedom too.
I now live with a completely restored, healed and renewed mind. Since then, God has placed a fierce determination in me to see people set free from emotional and mental torment, like I was. I feel so much compassion when I see others in torment, because I know how ravaged their minds are.
Maybe that’s you? Maybe it’s not that severe but your thoughts still hold you back, or maybe you are worse than I was, and are on the cusp of giving up. I am here to be a witness and tell you, that you can and will live a fearless and joy-filled life! I am still far from virtuous, but I found that spot, nestled right under my Father’s Wing, a spot where there is no fear, no despair, only peace and fullness of joy. I want to show you how to find that too.
If you’re not sure where to being START HERE…
Have a Fearless Day!