I have fallen off the life wagon, no wait – I have fallen off the wagon, parked the wagon and put a large “Wagon for Sale” sign on it and walked away!
I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon, the getting up early and parenting wagon, the health wagon, in fact I have overindulged so much this summer, I think the wagon just kicked me off, with my arms clutching Smores and corn on the cob!
I fit into 1 pair of stretchy pants, my kids could be in the running for the Guinness Book of World Records for nail growth, and I only have carbs and chocolate in my pantry right now. To the North American standards I am a huge fail, to my personal journey, I am right where I am supposed to be!
Paul urged us all to run the race that is set before us “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,” Hebrews 12:1
This life is hard, and every corner we turn around is met with a mix of anticipation and dread. What used to be exciting becomes a chore, what used to be our dreams, seems too much work to get there. We begin to slow down our pace, choose easier paths, and some give up all together.
God does not want us to quit the race, He does not want us to choose a different, easier path, but I just wanted you to know, that every once in a while it’s okay to step out of the race, grab a bucket of ice-cream, get fat and pout for a while.
I recently lost my best friend of 27 years to cancer, and I am grieving and tired and a little mad at God for taking her so young. My Christian training tells me to pick up the bible, but Jesus, I believe, is grabbing a second spoon and eating ice-cream with me, collecting my tears.
My parenting guilt is in overdrive with my bad attitude and internal freak out over my 16-year-old dating. Jesus has his hand on my shoulder when I scold too much, nag too much, and put my unfounded fears on my undeserving daughter. He sits with me, when I check out and mull guilt over and over while fantasizing the single life.
Jesus smiles and nods as I tell Him that maybe I’m not meant to be a writer, maybe I am meant to get a job at Tim Hortons instead, at least then I could afford a haircut once every 4 months and blame the muffin top on a hazardous work environment.
Jesus, thrusts his arms around me when I’m just done, and tell him I’m done, and stop shaving. Jesus quickly intervenes before Satan enters in with lies of my worthlessness, my failures, my laziness, and my unworthiness, with this..
He (Jesus) whispers this….
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.
Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8 31-39
God loves us, even in the giving up, even in the “I’m done”
He is a loving father to the weary. He is patient with the down trodden, and giver-uppers
He sits with us, he lets us vent, he lets us rest, he lets us overindulge.
When we allow these seasons to come, and accept them without guilt, then we are positioned for guiltless rest and an ability to hear clearly that still small voice that whispers…
“It’s time to get up now”
God will direct our steps, he will nudge us when its’ time to start jogging again. We won’t stay here forever if we listen for the call.
What season are you in?
The Baby Mama says:
This is beautiful! And just what I needed to hear – as I’ve been thinking, that’s it, I’m done. Really, where do these thoughts come from? It’s such a relief to know that even in the giving up, God is with us. Every step of the way. Praise be His name.
virtuouswomanx says:
I think sometimes the thoughts just come from exhaustion.
Sonya Matthews says:
Sarah,
As you know I have benefitted and can personally relate to many of the things you endured while becoming fearless. I am grateful you are courageous enough to share your journey with us. I hope to be there one day, sharing my personal journey toward wholeness, to hopefully help others who have encountered similar challenges.
I had this particular blog post open on my iPad and was just going to read it and then continue with what I originally was planning on doing. But a particular portion captured my attention. “God does not want us to quit the race, He does not want us to choose a different, easier path, but I just wanted you to know, that every once in a while it’s okay to step out of the race, grab a bucket of ice-cream, get fat and pout for a while. ” I took note because once again, I can relate, and two, I respectfully disagree.
God wants us always to be in the race, the individual path He has chosen for us and never wants us to leave it. This race sometimes involves running our guts out, sometimes jogging and sometimes taking a rest. When we allow self-pity to take hold and get us side-tracked, we are wasting precious time of pursuing God and living out his purpose for us. We sabotage ourselves and then create more guilt to have to deal with for the added weight gained, money spent, and time taken more from a more productive endeavor or behavior.
How many times have I succumbed to feelings of self- pity and allowed it negatively control my eating habits? Countless! I have been there, done that, and dirtied the t- shirt with the sugary or fattening food I was eating to try and console myself. Has it ever helped me feel better about myself? No! Temporarily I may feel a little better, but after the satisfying taste of the food left my mouth, I would feel worse about myself and present circumstances, and even more empty than before participating in my self- pity, ice-cream eating ritual.
Eating ice cream occasionally is more than acceptable. Crying and mourning the loss of a dear friend is completely understandable and in fact, biblically encouraged. Taking time to regroup and rest our souls so we can continue running the race well is necessary. Leaving the door open to sin (self-pity) is not (Romans 8:7). It allows the enemy access to our will and emotions; it delays our progress toward our goal of winning the prize He has set before us (Phili 3:14) and can add even more obstacles (added weight, health problems) in running the race well. Self-pity is essentially saying God you were wrong and my feelings and thoughts about the way life ought to be are important than you, your commands your will, your ways.
And this can never lead to fruitful thinking or living, unless it leads us to recognize that we are God’s chosen people, His ambassadors and have everything we need to live a godly and victorious life (2 Peter 1: 3 – 4).
virtuouswomanx says:
I agree that self-pity is a toxic emotion. I just feel that some people need to hear that it’s okay to not always be running. I want people to know that God is never disappointed in us, even when we are grieving, even if we need a little time.