My drop dead gorgeous daughter turns 16 tomorrow and that means we are just years away from her total independence. (the little kids are already fighting over her room and I am
dreaming of a real office, feeling sad)
just give me one moment please..
Okay, I’m back!
I’m not sure I am ready for this, and I need life to slow down a bit.
God has been opening many doors for me in the last few months in regards to my writing career, and online ministry and though it is something that I have worked really hard for, and really prayed for, I actually feel a bit overwhelmed.
Can I handle letting go of my teens more? Can I handle the needs of my little kids as their needs get more specific and different?
Can I handle the new stage of my marriage where we are super busy in the evenings and high five in the hallway between carpools?
Can I handle success? Can I handle more? Can I handle the empire state of laundry that is overflowing every week?!
I recently watched a video from a great leader I greatly admire, called Handling More. It really hit me right where my life is right now.
As God puts more and more on me, in the sense of good and fruitful things in my life, I have to take a moment to ready myself.
Does that make sense?
Especially coming out of burnout and a nervous breakdown the last thing you want to do is load yourself back up with burdens that are going to wear you down again, but on the same hand you never want to say no to the call and blessing of God.
So yesterday I juggled, I got the kids off to school, I went back home, I answered emails, spent time with God, spent time with my 4-year-old, did some house work, got dolled up, brought my son to my friends, and drove myself to my television debut where I was filming 2 teachings (more on that later), Responded to an email from a magazine editor, I finished, picked up a birthday card for my 16-year-old, picked up my son, picked up my other kids, went home, made dinner, got kids ready for bed, went to a church meeting, came home, talked with my teen and her friend who we have adopted for a few days, and went to bed.
I often pray, “God, you’ve got this one, cause there is nothing in me that’s going to be able to handle this” and God is always faithful to answer.
I often leave the dishes, or the laundry, because my children in the moment matter more, or answering a readers email matters more, or sharing a glass of wine with my hubby matters WAY MORE.
Sometimes I make the wrong priority call, sometimes I get it right, some days I juggle it like a pro, some days I cry and drop the ball on everything!
But here is where my thoughts differ from my pre- nervous breakdown to now, and why I have a bit more peace of mind that I will be able to handle more this year.
I don’t worry at all if I look bad in front of people, I’m not afraid of their opinion of me.
I am more vulnerable to my close friends about where I am at and what I am facing ( I hope Im not annoying)
I’m more blunt and straight forward than I ever used to be.
I see all of my burdens as blessings and I try to thank God when I am overwhelmed for all that he has blessed me with.
I don’t define my self or find any self-worth in my house keeping, my children’s behaviour, my mistakes, or my writing rejections.
I don’t doubt God’s love for me, and I truly truly believe now that when a door closes another one opens for the better, and it’s NOT a fluffy answer to my frustrations anymore.
I don’t waste my time on people or situations that drag me down.
I am trying to rid myself of guilt, parenting guilt, friend guilt, church guilt, God guilty, marriage guilt.
I am trying to accept my mistakes, or shortcomings, if I can fix it, I try, if I can’t I pray and move on. (This is a work in progress)
I am taking my negative thoughts captive instead of falling into states of moodiness, and depression. My mind gets to express its thoughts and feelings, I get to analyze it for a moment and pray through it and perhaps vent to a friend, then my mood has to buck up and move on.
MY OH MY, I have a long way to go. BUT look what the Lord has done! I could not have changed this in me had I tried.
I want to finish off my ramble today with one thought on handling more…
I recently caught a short clip of a video interviewing Katie Perry, on her up and coming Super Bowl GIG.
The interviewer asked if she was proud of herself for this HUGE opportunity and this was her response….
” I feel like I out dreamt my dream, I came from nothing and I created this world and I made it, myself, with my own strength”
Oh my spirit just cringed when she said that, and I thought, “She’s got a hard fall coming her way”
I’m not saying that to be cruel, but Lord help us, if we think
we can do ANYTHING on our own and in our own strength!
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’
Have an amazing fruitful day!