I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living. Psalm 27:13 (NKJV)
Hopelessness, is in my opinion, one of the most destructive and lowest points for a person. We can handle most of what comes at us, if we have hope for a better outcome. However, sometimes we are so surrounded by despair and discouraging circumstances that hopelessness becomes the dominant mindset.
Last year, after dealing with severe panic attacks and crippling anxiety, I became very weary of battling daily. I would wake up each morning with a panic attack, and I would fall asleep in heightened anxiety. I was surrounded by it. One particular morning, I will never forget, I woke up with the darkest sense of hopelessness I had ever experienced. It came on me out of the blue, it was the first consious emotion and I had no control over it in that moment.
It was like the last remaining light in a dark tunnel blew out and some one spun me around in the dark. I shook my head, quickly trying to conjure up a thought of hope for my future, and I could not, my mind would not allow it.
I was terrified.
I walked throughout that day, battling deep despair, as I mothered, and did house chores, and carried about my regular routine. As it escalated, I ran outside where it was -30, and I walked barefoot into the cold snow and splashed it on my face, trying to snap me out of it, but the thoughts kept creeping back in.
So I did all I knew to do, and prayed a very weak/short prayer. “Lord, help me”
Sometimes, that’s all we have the strength to pray, and more often than not, that is enough for God to come in and rescue us from our pit.
I remember that day folding laundry, completely numb and dark, and then, like a television show interrupted by a current news story, an image of me at one of my child’s wedding flashed into my mind, and my soul leapt. I closed my eyes, wanting more, soon an image of me holding grandchildren, and holding my husband’s hand at my children’s graduation, and baptisms, and more. I soaked it all in and I began to sob, thanking God for lifting my soul. What I was receiving was a download of hope and promise from The Lord.
Hope that there was goodness again, that I was just in a season, and I would soon be out. Hope, that I don’t have to wait until heaven for life to be good but that I WILL actually witness and be part of joy, pleasure, blessing and more in this life time, while I am still here.
This supernatural download of hope, lifted me up enough to see over the waters. I never hit a low like that again, but anytime that I would feel that depression or hopelessness creep in, I would say out loud “I WILL see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of The Living.”Sometimes, over and over and over again.
Soon the hopelessness lifted, and day by day, as I meditated on the goodness my future could bring, I began to feel not just hope for the future but excitement. (Even though my circumstances had not changed yet)
David, talks so much of the state of his soul in the Psalms. He relied on God to protect his soul, because he knew he was inclined to despair, hopelessness and depression. His circumstances overwhelmed him as he hid in caves, afraid to sleep, afraid to come out.
However, David was able to hang onto hope, because he declared God the keeper of his soul and asked for a supernatural download of hope for his future.
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul, O my God, I trust in You. Psalm 25:1,2 (NKJV)
You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fulness of joy; At your right hand are pleasures forever more. Psalm 16: 11 (NKJV)
Answer me speedily, O Lord; My spirit fails! Do not hide your face from me, Lest I be like those who go down into the pit. Cause me to hear your loving-kindness in the morning, For in You I do trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to you. Psalm 143:7,8 (NKLV)
Faith Challenge : Read Psalm 27 out loud.
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